I should be writing about life in Madrid, about the places that I’ve been to, about Malasana with Italiana today, about the opera/theater “Yo lo vi” that I’ve been to, but… for 2 days I’ve been only thinking about one subject that Pedo brought to my attention: obsessive love.
I have always known that when I’m truly in love it’s not healthy for either me nor for the person that I’m in love with. I generally speaking love in a strange and unhealthy way: my friends, my parents, even my dog. It’s not about needing attention or controlling things all the time, it’s about jealousy.
But I don’t want to speak about jealousy. I want to speak about the information I found on Wikipedia concerning obsessive love:
Phase one: Attraction phase
An instant attraction to romantic interest, usually occurring within the first few minutes of meeting.
An immediate urge to rush into a relationship regardless of compatibility.
Becoming “hooked on the look” of another, focusing on the person’s physical characteristics while ignoring personality differences.
Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning “magical” qualities to an object of affection.
The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.
well… phase one, checked!
Phase two: Anxious phase
Unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities.
An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of another person.
The need to constantly be in contact with a love interest via phone, email or in person.
Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.
The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.
Feeling the other partner doesn’t and shouldn’t need to contact, meet, bond and/or speak with individuals of the opposite sex.
phase two… checked
I’ll stop here, I’m pretty sure. I can focus my mind on other things now, I can stand not speaking to him nor having any contact with him for at least one day without us having a fight (like today, but I can’t say that I’m thrilled or very relaxed about this), I can say that at the first mistake I can leave him immediately.
Speaking about the first two phases of the obsessive love, somebody told me that I’m not in the second phase yet as I have all the reasons to doubt him. Might be, but I still think that I fell in love in a very strange, passionate and yes, again I say it, unhealthy way.
I’m writing this very relaxed and open-minded, as if I’m writing about somebody else and not about myself. The certain thing is that obsessive love does exist, I’ve been there (both ways) and I don’t think that I want to go back although I’m very close.
I would like to finish in a way but tonight my mind is just too separated from my heart to invent a lovely “happy ending”.
Etichete amor
